woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
