There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
