So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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