He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
