True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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