obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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