nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
