you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I touched a dick in church today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
