When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
