We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
