Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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