Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
