Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did i walk over a car last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
