just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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