I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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