I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
