I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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