If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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