I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
