I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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