the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
