I wannas sexs uuuuu
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
