so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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