and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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