Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
