I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
