I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
