You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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