Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
