How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
