Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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