The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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