Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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