you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
