Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
