What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Even my vagina gasped.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
