at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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