All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
