He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
