It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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