with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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