I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
