About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
