Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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