If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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