i barfeds in our rink
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
