you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
