My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
