I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
