I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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