I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Alive.
So much puke
I want to be your penis for a week.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
