I skipped work to stalk him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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