sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
