Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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