I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
