May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
