his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
