ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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