I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
