O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
