I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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