I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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